A phase or real distress?

Adolescence normally comes with mood swings, a need for distance from parents, a new importance given to friends and some pushing back against rules. These shifts, sometimes baffling, are part of building independence.

What should alert you is less a single behaviour than how long it lasts, how intense it is and how much it affects daily life. A teenager who is broadly doing well still has interests, relationships and some investment in school, even with ups and downs. When a change lasts several weeks and affects several areas of their life, it is worth seeking an opinion.

Warning signs to take seriously

  • lasting withdrawal: no longer seeing friends, giving up activities, staying shut in their room;
  • sadness, irritability or anger that does not subside;
  • marked sleep or eating problems, significant weight loss or gain;
  • a sudden drop in grades, refusing to go to school or dropping out;
  • repeated physical complaints (stomach aches, headaches) with no medical cause, especially before school;
  • alcohol, cannabis or screen use taking up a lot of space;
  • risk-taking, self-harm or other ways of hurting themselves;
  • self-deprecating remarks, or references to death or wanting to disappear;
  • a change in behaviour after an event: separation, bereavement, a move, bullying.

If your teenager mentions suicidal thoughts or is putting themselves in serious danger, do not wait: in France, call 3114 (free, 24/7, and also advises family members) or 15, or go to A&E. Outside France, contact your local emergency services.

How to talk to your teenager about it

Suggesting therapy to a teenager is not always easy. A few pointers can help:

  • Start from what you have noticed, without judgement: “I can see you are sleeping badly and not seeing your friends, and I am worried about you.”
  • Present the psychologist as a space for them, not as a punishment or a sign that they are “crazy”.
  • Explain confidentiality: what they say will stay between them and the psychologist.
  • Give them some choice: try one session, then decide together what comes next.
  • Do not force them if they flatly refuse. You can come on your own at first, to think about the situation and how to approach it.

How therapy works

The first appointment

For a minor, parental consent is required. The first appointment can begin with a time with the teenager and their parents, to understand the situation and explain the framework, and continue with the teenager alone. We then look together at what might help.

Confidentiality

What a teenager shares in sessions remains confidential: that is the condition for them to speak freely and build trust. Parents can be informed about the general progress of therapy, without the content of sessions being reported. Only a situation of danger can justify sharing certain information, as far as possible after discussing it with the teenager.

The parents’ role

Parents remain essential partners. Depending on the situation, conversations with them or family sessions can be offered, with the teenager’s agreement. The systemic approach, which is part of my training, makes it possible to understand the young person’s difficulties within the whole set of family relationships, and to support parents in their role too (see parenting support).

The work in sessions

With teenagers, I adapt the way I work to each individual: listening and talking, practical tools to manage stress, emotions or organisation, and a space to reflect on what they are going through and who they are becoming. If attention or learning difficulties are at the forefront, I can help take stock and refer for an assessment (see ADHD and neurodevelopmental conditions). Sessions last about 50 minutes, at the Brotteaux practice, 134 rue de Sèze in Lyon 6th, or by video, in English, French or Portuguese.

Psychologist, psychiatrist, Maison des Adolescents: who to turn to?

A psychologist in private practice offers talking therapy, with flexible appointments. A child and adolescent psychiatrist, a medical doctor, is involved in particular when treatment or a medical opinion is needed. In Lyon, the Maison des Adolescents du Rhône offers free support for young people and their parents, mainly in French. These are complementary; if the situation calls for it, I will refer you to the most suitable professional.

Frequently asked questions

How long does therapy for a teenager last?

It depends on the difficulty and on the teenager. Some need a few sessions to get through a difficult time; others benefit from support over several months. Progress is reviewed regularly with them, and with the parents if needed.

What if my teenager does not talk in sessions?

That is common at first. Trust sometimes takes a little time to build. Part of my role is to find a way of communicating that suits them.

Do video sessions work for teenagers?

They can be a good solution, especially for teenagers who live far from Lyon or abroad. They require a quiet place where the teenager can speak freely.

Useful resources